Will things go to plan?

Tomorrow……. ugh….off to New Zealand’s Capital City . My daughter has an appointment with her Orthopedic surgeon. The plan if all goes well would be to go Tuesday and be back Wednesday. The way my luck has been lately and the look of Eva’s leg, I’m not sure that will happen.

I am feeling slightly better than a few days ago….slighty. The thought of a 4-5 hour car trip does not inspire me. Eva and I have packed as if we are staying for a month. If the infection is not under control then she will be on an IV drip for 4 weeks. This also doesn’t inspire me. Eva has missed so much school already……ugh.

Motherhood is hard. Motherhood to children with health issues is next level. You have to keep your head level no matter how much your heart is hurting. You do what needs to be done even when you are shattered mentally and physically.

I wouldn’t be without my kids. They make me smile and laugh each day. I hate having to leave my Son at home. We really appreciate video calling. He is such a great young man, holding down the fort while we are gone. His Gran comes and stays and cooks for him but he does all the work with the animals etc. He did struggle last time we were in hospital for over a week. I really don’t think he will do so well if it’s for 4 weeks.

Really gutted this infection had to happen. As if Eva doesn’t have it hard enough😥….sometimes life seems so unfair. And yet Eva takes it all in her stride. She is so polite and nice mannered to everyone we meet. Although When she has a bad day, she has a real bad day. These days break my heart.

This surgery on her leg is meant to make her life easier, less pain, improve balance and make walking better . It definitely has helped but we haven’t seen the full potential yet due to all the hassles. I do feel quilty ….. I told her it was for the best and she will feel so much better…..now I feel so guilty….it is interfering with her first year of Girls High School…..interfering with friendships and just normality. But then again, my life has never been normal and I guess hers will never be either.

I feel like we need a break. We need a holiday somewhere, all expenses paid. Somewhere our troubles aren’t welcome, somewhere we can simply be happy , even if just for a day…… I guess that’s what dreaming is for.

So on the long drive tomorrow maybe I will dream of that wonderful place and visualize us there laughing, swimming, singing, eating and sleeping without a care in the world.

I am still so grateful for everything we do have. I am extremely grateful for the beautiful part of the world that we live in.

One thing my family does get right is loving unconditionally and knowing we have it so much better than a lot of other people.

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