My life is one of complete mystery. Over the last 40 years I have been trying to unwind the lies and hunt out the truth. Along the way I have become a strong passionate women with good morals and loads of integrity. My journey has not been easy, and challenges have appeared around almost every corner. I have been a successful Motivational Trainer and promoter of resistance training for women for over 25 years.
I have 2 wonderful children who have had their own battles to fight.
I am ready for a change........
I am ready for the truth?.........
Will I find what I need to give me peace?.....
Life is a story and mine deserves a decent ending.
Coming to you from New Zealand, a beautiful part of the world where I live in what us locals call Taradise (Taranaki Paradise)
4 years of utter heartache, loss, rejection and confusion is over. (Really 50 years)
People who have lived similar issues say that when you get the answers whether they are good or bad..they heal you. They fill in the dark void and you instantly feel better.
I didn’t have much left to lose so when I came close to rock bottom and saw how it was affecting my kids , I knew It was time to confront people and finally press for the answers that I needed and deserved.
Now 50 years into my life I have completed the puzzle. My heart is full, my smile is back, and I know where I belong. Through it all I have lost my sister but upon learning the truth I can understand how and why this is too much for her.
2020 is now going to be spent taking control back of my life and working on empowering myself again after being stripped of self worth and belonging, being wrongly accused judged and blamed for other peoples actions.
I feel whole finally and ready to embrace everything that is Maria
Well after accomplishing over 6 months on the keto diet I have decided to go back to lower fat, and carbs and higher protein.
I found on the keto eating plan that I could not eat enough protein to maintain my muscle. I lost loads of body fat but also lost muscle. I did not like the shape of my body as much. To top it off the rheumatoid arthritis flared up as well. (This was due to stress).
On the keto diet I was never hungry. To put on muscle I needed to eat 6 times a day. I was struggling big time due to the high fat intake which fills you up. I was gagging trying to eat what I needed.
So with no help from the keto with the rheumatoid, an unwanted change in my physique and the gagging when trying to eat the meals, I decided to change back to my normal eating that I have done for years.
The transition back was rocky. It took a little while to get used to eating carbs again. I feel stronger and can notice muscle increases and my stamina has improved. I can eat 5-6 meals a day without feeling ill and have my curves back.
My training on the keto was definitely not as good as Im used to. I felt weaker and did have the stamina to maintain a descent workout.
Now ,after a few months of my normal diet, I am loving my workouts, my muscles are sore after each session and my posture and shape is coming back.
With such a busy schedule each week, alot of which contains physical activity, I really need to feel energetic and be recovering good and sleeping well.
So the honeymoon is over for keto and me. I do believe in the benefits of the keto diet and will possibly go back to it in the future but for now I need to listen to what my body is telling me.
Possibly if I didnt have some goals to achieve I would probably still be cruising on the keto quite happy but I do have these goals and they are physical goals which need stamina and mind power so it’s good bye for now keto, see you again on the other side.
One thing I learnt when I was younger was how the adults around me didn’t realize how much children listen and pick up on. After all ,this is why and how I started piecing things together. And today I learnt how my pain is affecting my own children.
My son done up his birthday list and sent it to me. As I read through it I was saddened by one in particular. My son has a huge heart and I guess it doesnt really surprise me that he would love me to be happy. And he knows exactly what needs to happen to help me .
I’m left feeling helpless as it is what I have been wanting for over 40 years and it is the one thing on his list that I cant give him , as no one will give it to me to pass on.
Motherhood is challenging at the best of times, no instruction book, we just have to make it up on the spot. I try to be happy and positive around the kids but the emotional exhaustion is starting to show.
Humankind never ceases to amaze me. The selfishness, lack of empathy and compassion and the ever ready need to be loved or the huge gullibility of some people just simply astounds me.
I did a nice gesture last week wishing someone a happy birthday only to be thrown into upheaval of untruths and laughable comments. It was so mind blowing how some people believe obvious lies and I was extremely disappointed in this person. I understand the need for people to be loved but I don’t understand how some people will sacrifice their morals, integrity and basic logic just to try and receive that love. It is important to love yourself fully and then you will be brave enough and wise enough to identify the true love amongst deception. This person doesn’t realize that I am the only one not deceiving them. I have been nothing but honest.
I was accused of being on a witch hunt which is laughable.
I would make the worst witch ever as I hate brooms and have a slight fear of heights. And my so called witch hunt is pathetic as I dont have much time left in my day to plot up a storm. If I was on a witch hunt I definitely would not be putting my own needs aside for the needs of the liars, I would of blown this whole nasty dirty story out into the open and not be sitting on it, protecting people who continue to betray my trust and feed me lies and contradictary stories.
I would probably need more time in my day to actually perform some witch hunting activities instead of weight training, learning to horse ride and latin dancing as well as my work and motherhood, oh yeah and training a husky to be an assistance dog.
One thing I have learnt after last weeks drama is I am backed into a corner.
I have 2 choices now…….To give up or To fight back. (I’m not that good at giving up 😉)
Obviously sitting here quietly has the F@#ey Secret Service still dogging me so I haven’t got much to lose.
Now to order a book on “how to hold a Witch hunt ”
Life is different for each of us. Some people cruise through without to many challenges while others seem to come across trouble at every corner. We do become stronger with challenges to overcome. The trick is to actually try and overcome them. Some troubles are out of our control, some problems are minimal while other troubles are like dealing with Monsters in the dark….you don’t quite know what you are fighting or trying to overcome.
The key I think is to remain 100 percent truthful to yourself. If you can walk away and forget situations without a second thought then you should. If you need to face the Monster in the dark to get some kind of peace inside then so be it. It is YOUR life. Don’t let others predict it for you. I always ask myself “how will I feel at age 80, sitting in my rocking chair, if I don’t follow my heart”?. ….. At age 80 I want to have lived with no regrets. I want to keep following my heart and my intuition. I want to keep trusting in my morals and integrity. If the Monster remains in the dark it will be out of my control.
At the present time I have people trying to sway my views. Things just don’t add up. Things will forever be different And when you dont have much left to lose you become I very dangerous player in the game. As for day to day life……its challenges are on going. My daughter hopefully has finally turned a corner and her leg is healing. Only time will tell. She is back at school after having missed so much work already. My son is still recovering from the flu along with other challenges. Our life together has been one full of health issues. It is simply part of our family life. Some days it really gets you down and on all the other days we simply power on.
Its winter time here in New Zealand. I don’t mind the cold months, it gives me more down time as it is more inviting to curl up and watch Netflix than go out. Down time is also good for planning my next move. If there is one thing I know I wont be bowing out to the Monster in the dark. I deserve to be here, I deserve peace and freedom from all the drama that comes with being part of the Foley Secret Service.
Tomorrow……. ugh….off to New Zealand’s Capital City . My daughter has an appointment with her Orthopedic surgeon. The plan if all goes well would be to go Tuesday and be back Wednesday. The way my luck has been lately and the look of Eva’s leg, I’m not sure that will happen.
I am feeling slightly better than a few days ago….slighty. The thought of a 4-5 hour car trip does not inspire me. Eva and I have packed as if we are staying for a month. If the infection is not under control then she will be on an IV drip for 4 weeks. This also doesn’t inspire me. Eva has missed so much school already……ugh.
Motherhood is hard. Motherhood to children with health issues is next level. You have to keep your head level no matter how much your heart is hurting. You do what needs to be done even when you are shattered mentally and physically.
I wouldn’t be without my kids. They make me smile and laugh each day. I hate having to leave my Son at home. We really appreciate video calling. He is such a great young man, holding down the fort while we are gone. His Gran comes and stays and cooks for him but he does all the work with the animals etc. He did struggle last time we were in hospital for over a week. I really don’t think he will do so well if it’s for 4 weeks.
Really gutted this infection had to happen. As if Eva doesn’t have it hard enough😥….sometimes life seems so unfair. And yet Eva takes it all in her stride. She is so polite and nice mannered to everyone we meet. Although When she has a bad day, she has a real bad day. These days break my heart.
This surgery on her leg is meant to make her life easier, less pain, improve balance and make walking better . It definitely has helped but we haven’t seen the full potential yet due to all the hassles. I do feel quilty ….. I told her it was for the best and she will feel so much better…..now I feel so guilty….it is interfering with her first year of Girls High School…..interfering with friendships and just normality. But then again, my life has never been normal and I guess hers will never be either.
I feel like we need a break. We need a holiday somewhere, all expenses paid. Somewhere our troubles aren’t welcome, somewhere we can simply be happy , even if just for a day…… I guess that’s what dreaming is for.
So on the long drive tomorrow maybe I will dream of that wonderful place and visualize us there laughing, swimming, singing, eating and sleeping without a care in the world.
I am still so grateful for everything we do have. I am extremely grateful for the beautiful part of the world that we live in.
One thing my family does get right is loving unconditionally and knowing we have it so much better than a lot of other people.
What is it about coffee that gets me up in the morning? Why do I feel so awake after a few simple sips?
I use to overdose on caffeine. At one stage I was labelled the Caffeine Queen. On awakening back then I would walk like a zombie to my coffee machine and brew up an extremely strong concoction. It was normal to have 6-8 mugs of this magic before lunch. Heart palpitations were worth it as I powered through my days activities.
Stays away from home needed careful planning. I would either pack my coffee machine or make sure I was staying extremely close to a cafe. Hospital stays with my children were the hardest. One childrens hospital had a kitchen to make your own instant (not at all happening, the instant tastes so bad). Recently staying in our Capital city’s Children Hospital and to my horror NO Hot drinks allowed on the ward at all.
I am extremely lucky I had changed my coffee addict ways by this time as now I can survive a week without one….just!
So what changed?
I can’t actually remember. I went from using my coffee machine 😍 to using filtered coffee mainly because it was faster. I am still fussy with the brand of coffee I use but I now only have 2 mugs of magic a day.
I still love my coffee each morning. I get out of bed first before any other human. I sit quietly and slowly sip my potion. It wakes me up gently by working it’s way through my body. The warmth slowly flowing down my throat. I make it just right……it has to be just right! Not weak but not overly strong and it has to be smooth. No milk, no sugar , just coffee.
As I sit here on the second day of winter slowly enjoying my mug of pleasure, I think I have worked out why I need it.
You see I live in New Zealand. New Zealand is one of the first countries in the World to see in a new day. I see the sunrise on each and every day before most of the world. I experience each New Year before most of the world, each Christmas Day while most of you sleep.
Our famous New Zealand Rugby team “The All blacks” are so phenomenal because they are a day ahead of the rest of the World (plus I pretty sure they drink coffee)
To have to lead the world into each brand new day sure takes some stamina. Add to that being a Parent (the hardest and most rewarding job on the planet) well it is now obvious why I need my mug of magic ..