Keto not keto

Here’s an update on my keto trial that I started last December.

All was well until I tried to add some bodyfat to make changes to my body between 2 competitions. To stay on keto I increased the dairy which then flared up the rheumatoid arthritis disease that I have had since I was 30. I had no choice but to drop back on the dairy and add carbs in for a good month.

I succeeded in putting on 3 kilos but definitely did not feel well, not like I was feeling on the keto.

Straight after the second competition I had to rush Eva to Wellington hospital. Living on the hospital ward made it very hard to get back on 100% keto . As the days went by I started to fall sick . By the time we made it back to New Plymouth I was well and truly stuffed up. Sick as a dog , rheumatoid pain on an all time high and energy levels maxed out.

It has now been a month of being very unwell, pretty much burnt out emotionally and physically. This has made it very difficult to do keto. The keto diet takes a lot of prepping and you really do need your fridge full of the right foods. Most of the time I have no appetite and when I do feel like eating , bacon and eggs cooked in butter really does not go down well.

My keto effort is probably about 60/40. I find it fascinating how shit I feel now and really can’t believe how I have done a complete 180 into this f#@ked up body. Because I am fighting off either an infection of some kind or a viral bug, I can not take the rheumatoid medicine , as the major side affect of this medication is that it grows infection fast.

With high pain comes huge fatigue and this added to a sickness has kicked my ass and ruined my keto lifestyle.

I am a firm believer in listening to your body but this is hard strategy to use when you feel like ” death warmed up”.

I have just peeled myself off the coach and made myself do some keto prep. Each morning I hope to awaken to a brand new healthy day so I can get this messed up body back on track.

The one thing we all have is a choice.

We can choose to give up or We can choose to keep trying. I seem to be a sucker for the latter.

So Keto or not keto? I believe it works well and the body does lean out. I think when I get back on track I will do keto for a month or so and then add in some good carbs and re-feed days . Until that happens I am curling back on to the couch….if I can fit

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Wednesday’s Words

Restarting a blog has given me one positive so far . It has made me sit quietly for 30 minutes while I write. This afternoon I am sitting on my back deck enjoying a cup of tea with my new buddy Beaudon lying at my feet. The Tui birds are singing and the fan tails are darting around the trees.

Slowing down the pace is very inviting. Staying out of the gym is also very pleasing. I have no urge at all to train. I feel so completely shattered, the last few years have hit me like a wrecking ball and I am having trouble rebuilding myself. You know when you have those days where you want a clean slate, you want to move countries and start over where no one knows you . …. well that feeling has lasted a month so far.

I am definitely over the shit that comes with bodybuilding and training athletes. And I am also over the attitude of some competitors you meet and watch . It appears to me now as such a shallow experience. Gone are the days of meeting inspiring drug free athletes with a great life story. It is rare now to find people who do the sport for the right reasons. It is not motivating or uplifting to me anymore.

I prefer to be inspired by the athlete who lost a limb protecting his country and seeing him work his ass off keeping himself mentally and physically strong. I prefer to watch people with disabilities learn to walk again, learn to do the things that most take for granted. These humans are incredible. So I have pushed all the bullshit away now and it will be so refreshing to be inspired and humbled from folk in other areas of life.

One element of my life I am enjoying is training our Husky. The goal is for him to be an assistant dog for my daughter Eva. This pup is so big already and boy oh boy is he smart. So far he has learnt to do the basic sit, down, shake hands and moved onto opening and closing cupboards and even skate boarding. I pencil in an hour each day to do lead work with him. Teaching him to heel, walk backwards, turn and follow in whatever direction I go in. He is such a sweetheart and hates being alone, he always has to curl up with one of us.

The nights before my daughter ended up being rushed to Wellington hospital Beaudon kept coming and getting me and leading me into Eva’s room. He would jump up on her bed and place his head on her leg. I didnt realise at the time that he was trying to tell me about the infection. We know he picks up on her complex partial seizures but this was amazing. He is still not 1 year old yet so his potential is exciting.

Dogs are very cool to hang out with, they live in the moment. It’s a highlight in my day to work with him.

Well the warmth of the day is subsiding and my tea cup is empty. My motivation to move is only urged on by the chill hitting my legs. My enthusiasm to be productive is low, most likely due to stress and being sick but I will get myself out of this chair and into to kitchen to start cooking dinner as my favorite TV show “Wentworth ” starts tonight and it will be the highlight of my week .

To those taking the time to read these Wednesday Words …..thank you.

Tuesday’s Therapy

I have been asked many times over the last few months why I took Eva to Wellington for her Tibia redirection surgery. Our local Orthopedic Doctor made mistakes in her first operation which was a simple botox injection into the calf to help her heel touch down as with Cerebral palsy they tend to tip toe. The botox was meant to last 3-4months but for some unknown reason it has stayed down and the calf no longer fires much at all. They put Eva to sleep for this operation, injected the calf then stretched it to the max and put her leg in a cast. I believe the Doctor over stretched and snapped the Achilles. I asked about this and he said “she would of screamed in pain if I did that” I said , But she was put to sleep??? He had no answer after that. The Wellington Team said it was a highly unusual outcome that they had not seen before.

When we had appointments with this doctor after the fact he was to busy playing candy crush game on his phone to even bother to be fully present. So when the next surgery was suggested we asked for the amazing Wellington team to do it. This caused me so much stress as our local doctor and hospital tried everything to stop it from happening even emailing the Wellington team with nasty emails.

I laid an official compliant and followed through with our Wellington plan. The Orthopedic Team have been incredible. And Their physio team also is incredible.

Unfortunately Eva developed an infection beside the surgery site months after it had been done. No doctors etc here picked up on it even though I kept presenting Eva to them. Eventually our family GP was back from an absence and he got straight on the phone to the Wellington team and we were sent straight back down to Wellington hospital. From there the doctors were still amazing, they operated and removed the metal ware and bolts and cleaned up the infection. We were very lucky that it had not quite got into the bone.

We were then on the ward for another week of IV antibiotics and then sent home with oral tabs for 8 weeks.

This week we rushed Eva back to the GP as the same site flared up again. Our GP added another antibiotic to the mix and so far so good.

We are off to Wellington again next week for a check up, hopefully we don’t get sent down any sooner. And I am hoping we dont end up living on the ward again for more IV Antibiotics.

So that is the story of Eva’s hospital stays lately. I know lots of you have been messaging to check on her.

Unfortunately we have all come down sick with the flu since returning. All part of living in a hospital ward full of sick children.

If you have ever lived on a hospital ward or stayed in a Ronald Macdonald house for families with sick kids, you will know how it changes your views on life. You talk to parents with dying children, you talk to husbands who are waiting to see if their wife and baby survive, you hear very sad, soul destroying real life stories. Everything changes.

You come home and People moaning about materialistic stuff just make you sick. People angry because of the rain outside or having to work an extra few hours one day is just so pathetic. People who are self absorbed are no longer tolerated.

You hold your kids tighter and make sure they know you love them. You appreciate being at home living semi normal and not stuck in a hospital. Dropping your kids at school is a treat not a chore and picking them up again is an absolute blessing.

To all those families who have these real life struggles….I wish you all the courage and guts in the world….I send you bucket loads of hope and love. You deserve to break down and cry, you deserve to scream and yell and let it all out because that is REAL STRESS.

And I pray that everything works out well for you xx.

Monday’s Mood

My first try at blogging again since I canceled my website due to a useless domain host.

It’s been probably a few years since I put my thoughts down on paper. A very long 2 years and probably the most important time to actually get my thoughts out and into the universe. God knows I am stuck big time, unsure of what to do or where to go from here regarding some issues. I feel like I am running out of time to finally solve this case . I also know I am being way too nice and considerate, not wanting to hurt or upset others . This is jeopardizing my results for sure.

Fighting against the loyalty that I feel I have to show towards some people even though relationships are forever changed.

That’s the thing about lies, deceit and dishonesty…..they take a toll on the person who is behaving this way but also on the person at the receiving end.

So Monday has rolled around and I am only half of who I should be. 2 years of deception taking its toll on me. Avoidance hasn’t worked, acknowledgment hasn’t worked, and I can’t simply avoid it.

So I am sitting here gazing at the ocean and telling myself these 3 facts:

My beautiful daughter and me

I am innocent

I am worth it

I belong here.

As the waves roll and crash onto the sand I promise myself that I will not give up.

45 years of seeking answers, loved ones found and lost , yet still I will not give up. The time is coming where I will have to scream it from the roof tops and hope the right person hears it and answers me.

Monday’s Mood……..pessimistic 🤔